I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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