Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
