Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
