Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
