Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
