i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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