i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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