You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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