i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
