is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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