I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
