you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
