I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
