So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Randomize
