Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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