You're completely useless in the revolution.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
