guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
