So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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