I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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