We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
