no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
pray to the hookup gods
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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