Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
