There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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