We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
