apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
