Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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