I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize