naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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