"it" just moved
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just threw up on my dentist
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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