WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
