Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
