Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My dad just said "fuck circus"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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