hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
