hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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