i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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