I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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