Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
