And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
