Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
