My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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