every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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