Acid is not a monday night drug
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
