Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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