You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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