I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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