He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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