OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
