Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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