I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
