Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
