She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
