and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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