then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
